Eva Spurred on by Paparazzi

Upon arriving in Los Angeles for Game Five between her husband Tony Parker’s Spurs and the Lakers, Eva Longoria was grilled by the Paparazzi about how she felt about her man’s team being down. Was she hassled by the Lakers’ fans on the plane, wondered the TMZ reporter? Uh, dude, probably not nearly as bad as you’re hassling her, ya asswipe. Strangely, Eva didn’t have much to say on how San Antonio could get back in the series. In fact, she didn’t have much to say at all. Anyways, Parker and the Spurs were taken out by the Lakers, leaving the couple of begin their off-season vacation plans earlier than expected. Check out the video here.

Mikey Likes It

On Saturday, guess who was seen at the UFC match at MGM Garden in Las Vegas? Michael Jackson of all people was spotted taking the action, And get this – there were no pre-pubescent boys on the card for the evening. Go figure!

Candor at Cannes

Among the talk of the town at Cannes was James Toback’s 90-minute documentary Tyson, about former boxing champion/convict Mike Tyson. The entire film is essentially one long interview with Tyson, whose candor is nothing if not refreshing. He spills his guts about virtually every component of his controversial life, both in and out of the ring. First, Tyson would bite your ear off; now, he just talks it off. I guess that’s progress, isn’t it?

Seeking Shade(s) in Ibiza

Are you wondering how Tom Brady is spending his offseason? What’s his workout regimen? How is he planning on preparing for the 2008 season to help the Patriots get back to the Super Bowl? Well, as part of his recent world trekking, he was spending time in Ibiza with gal pal Gisele Bundchen. They were at the world-famous party destination to be on hand for the unveiling of Vogue’s new collection of sunglasses. So, to answer your question, weights and workouts have been replaced by supermodels and shades. Nice work if you can get it.

Spice of Life

Speaking of off field encounters, David and Victoria Beckham were seen at the Elton John concert in Las Vegas last month. Damn, they even brought their boys along to the weekend show. Isn’t it grand that the couple is exposing their children to “alternative lifestyles” at such a young age? After all, Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting.

Anna Not Ready to Settle

Apparently, Anna Kournikova is not ready to settle for just one mixed doubles partner. The word on the street is that the tennis babe’s boyfriend, Enrique Iglesias, has repeatedly attempted to convince Anna to marry him, but to date, he keep double faulting.

The pair has been together for three years, and obviously Enrique is ready to settle. But, Anna? No way, Jose. Clearly, she’s holding out for RotoRob. And really, who could blame her? Damn, I might even let her serve to me, so to speak.

Why are Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen being so close mouthed about this alleged sex tape? So what if they were supposedly caught doing the mummy and daddy dance in a private restaurant wine cellar? What’s a little porking and corking between friends?

Besides, sex tapes are so February 2001. I mean, jeez, everybody has one by now.

What’s the big deal? Just put the damn thing on YouTube already and let’s all move on.

Scouting Report

Kris Benson is trying to revive his flagging career and apparently has been impressive in his workouts for the Phillies as he tries to work his way back from injuries.

Wife Anna was there to provide a scouting report, saying “Kris looks great.”

Uh, thanks, Anna. We were actually here to check out his fastball, not his butt. However, if you want to show us some booty, we’re okay with that.

The Great One Takes his Hacks

Former hockey uber stud Wayne Gretzky dropped by the Royals’ training camp last week and, along with his wife and son, took some batting practice.

The Great One has often said that when he was growing up, he wanted to be a baseball player. Instead, he settled on being the greatest player in the history of the NHL.

Of course, longtime wife Janet Jones has had her share of close encounters with balls, having appeared in the movie “A League of Their Own.”

The word on the street was that Jones was taking BP quite seriously, heading over to the video camera to check her swing after each hack.

Sure she wasn’t just checking her makeup?

At any rate, even the Royals aren’t sad enough to sign Jones or her 47-year-old husband. Or are they? What do you think the odds are on that one? Where’s Rick Tocchet when you need him?

Apparently, the easiest way to bag yourself a Cosmopolitan Fun Fearless Male Award is to bag Jessica Simpson.

It’s uncanny. Consider that last year, Jessica’s ex-hubby Nick Lachey earned the Fun Fearless Male of the Year Award.

This year, three more Simpson lovers – past and present – were honoured by the mag. John Mayer took home the Fun Fearless Male of the Year Award, while Dane Cook and Simpson’s current beau, Tony Romo, also both won awards.

Okay, lest you think only Simpson conquests win these things, that’s not the case, but clearly, those that have carnal knowledge of her are shoo-ins for this honour.

I get the Fearless part – you’ve got to have balls of steel to deal with her, but Fun? What’s fun about having your life become tabloid fodder? Okay, don’t answer that.

Get Outta Bed, Beeyatch

In other Simpson news (ugh, I know, I can’t stand it anymore, either), it’s been revealed that she has major issues with insomnia and can apparently only sleep at night if she lies on the floor.

“It’s a mental thing,” she says.

Uh, you got that right.

Simpson often has to leave Romo alone in their bed of bliss while she sleeps on the floor. What? Isn’t that Dallas Cowboys’ comforter cozy enough for you?

Anyways, is it just me or doesn’t she realize that it’s no accident she’s winding up on the floor each morning? Hey, she can pretend that she’s making the conscious decision to leave bed and lie on the floor, but let’s get real here. Tony – no doubt channeling his inner punter – has nothing to do with this? Riiiiiiiigggghhht.

In other matters, I am sick of writing about these two, but hey, they are the hot athlete-celeb couple now. Believe me, I search high and low for anything I can write about other than this pair, but there’s just nothing out there now. If you’ve had it with this couple as well, feel free to send me your celebrity-athlete news tips.

Putting the Kids First

Things are getting ugly between Linda and Hulk Hogan, embroiled in a bitter divorce. According to legal documents obtained by TMZ.com, Linda is claiming that Hulk is using their son Nick to deliver messages related to the divorce. She also charges the wrestler with telling the kid secrets that he didn’t want Linda to be aware of.

Linda is asking the courts to order Hulk to stop talking to Nick about the divorce.

Ah, I feel the love.

Wrestler Floyd Mayweather celebrated his 31st birthday in style last week, taking Vegas by storm with both a lovely hottie on his arm (R&B singer Keisha Cole) and some serious accessories.

Round his neck, ‘Pretty Boy’ was sporting a huge-ass pendant that said “Philthy Rich.” The necklace, capable of being seen from space, was gaudy enough to make Mr. T blush.

As if that wasn’t enough, Mayweather was spotted walking around with fistfuls of cash. Who even uses bills anymore? Hello? Cash Card?

Plastic Passion

If you’re a stargazer, you have to check out this web site I came across recently. Have you ever wondered which celebrities are having cosmetic work done? Who’s getting their B cups augmented? Who’s attending the Botox Bash?

Check out AwfulPlasticSurgery.com for the real scoop. Unfortunately, the site is set up in such a manner that I can’t steer you to any particular articles, but on the home page currently is a fascinating comparison of Eva Longoria from five years ago to more recent images, where it appears that she is all Botoxed-up. The evidence is pretty overwhelming. Damn, maybe they ought to extend all those athlete drug tests to their wives.

Word to the wise: Make sure you don’t check it out before you have lunch. Come to think of it, viewing this right after eating isn’t such a good idea either.

Not Singing the Marriage Tune

Rest easy, ladies. It appears Enrique Iglesias will remain eligible to an extent as he is not ready to marry long-time girlfriend, “tennis” goddess Anna Kournikova.

The pop star, who recently set a new record for Latin artists with his 18th No. 1 hit on Billboard’s Hot Latin Songs list (what? More than Jose Feliciano?), says that marriage “is a big responsibility.”

No kidding. No wonder you’re such a role model.

“I’m a bit neurotic,” Iglesias said. “But I feel lucky. Anna is a great girl and we complement each other very well.”

Possible translation: ‘I have abhorrent, deeply-rooted sexual issues that manifest themselves in extreme fetish behaviour, but she is a wild tart and is up for anything.’ Or something like that.

Oh jeez, give it a rest, girl! In the latest issue of US Weekly, Michael Starr, a close friend of Tony Romo, talking about the Cowboy and Jessica Simpson, told the bird-cage liner pub “I think they’re getting married.”

Yeah, whatever, dude.

This is just another press stunt by Simpson, who, according to OK! “always leaks information about her faux love life when she`s desperate to get her face on magazine covers!”

Damn. I tried the same thing recently, telling a friend that I was getting married to Penelope Cruz, yet I didn’t even wind up on the cover of my company newsletter after dropping that bombshell!

Word is that Jessica is trying to get the media to focus on anything besides her lame-ass country album. OK! contacted Simpson’s representative to find out if it should buy them a wedding gift, and she wouldn’t deny the story or even try to play it down.

This is straight out of the Cowboys’ play book. It’s called a ‘play action fake,’ for the football-challenged among you.

By the way, Jessica is apparently headed to Kuwait to entertain American troops.

Watch out for friendly fire, honey!

Crowing About Lance

Sheryl Crow’s sixth studio album, Detours, is now out and it includes a song inspired by her public break-up from former fiance, cyclist Lance Armstrong. In the song “Diamond Ring,” she sings: “Diamonds may be sweet, But to me, They just bring on Cold feet.”

Cold feet? Could be. Or maybe Armstrong finally did some math and realized he was about to marry a cougar almost 10 years older than him. Or maybe he just thinks watching Matthew McConaughey’s ass on a bike is a better training technique.

Come Back, Anna

In 2002-03, the final season that hockey star Sergei Fedorov was still married (if in fact he ever was) to tennis hottie Anna Kournikova, he averaged 1.04 points per game. In the five seasons since then, he’s managed just 0.66 points per game.

Sure, he may simply be getting old, but maybe he never got over losing her. I mean, come on. Could you get over her? Of course, the possibility of me winding up with Anna is just about as likely as her ever winning a professional tournament. So there’s hope, right?

No, Lindsay Lohan isn’t dating an athlete (that we know of), but it appears she has a thing for wrestlers, showing up Monday at the Honda Center for WWE Raw and appearing in some photos with John Cena, Rey Mysterio and Floyd Mayweather (hey, I don’t know who the frig these dudes are, but if you’re into wrestling, you probably do).

Clearly, LiLo is clamouring for some attention these days.

What, the Marilyn Monroe photo shoot wasn’t enough exposure?

For those of you living under a rock, Lohan recently posed naked for New York Magazine, paying homage to the classic Marilyn nude photo shoot done 46 years ago by Bert Stern, the same photographer who took the LiLo shots.

I love the fact that Lindsey took her baby sister with her to the photo shoot (”now here’s how to be a real skank, kiddo”). That’s all class.

The best part? There was some speculation that LiLo was tricked into doing this photo shoot. Classic celeb site What Would Tyler Durden Do? had this to say about the idea that Lohan could have been duped into posing nude:

“If it was a hot day, you could put your penis through a cup lid and draw red stripes on it and get oral from her for at least 5 minutes. At least 5.”

Slippery When Wet

Last weekend, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker spent the weekend in Mexico. Parker would have normally been at the NBA All-Star game, but he was injured, so instead he crossed the Rio Grande for a little R and R.

No, there’s nothing particularly racy about that, but it’s a good excuse for us to see Eva applying some sunscreen.

Nice to see that she isn’t letting herself go since getting married. Bow chicka bow.

Jessica’s a Star…in Ukraine

Jessica Simpson’s latest movie, Blonde Ambition, absolutely crashed in North America, grossing a mere $1,771 in its opening weekend in December in eight Texas theatres, according to People.com. And you have to know that at least half of that money was spent by Tony Romo’s teammates, who were likely there just to throw popcorn at the screen.

However, it appears that the movie has hit the big time – in Ukraine, where it soared to No. 1, grossing $253,008 for the weekend of February 14-17, according to Box Office Mojo.

Apparently, no one is throwing perogies or borscht at the screen for this one. I’m sure there are plenty of Cowboy fans who would like nothing more than to see her sent to Ukraine on a one-way ticket.

Soccer stud David Beckham was at it again last week, causing a stir at Jermaine Dupri’s pre-Grammy party at Club Central in Hollywood.

It seems that a young female fan got a bit overexcited, actually fainting after receiving a peck on the cheek from Beckham. Oh come on, was that all? Maybe that 25-foot penis of his – you know, the one that Victoria was bragging about - brushed up against her and it was all too much for such a sweet, young thing. That’ll happen you know. Well, so I hear, at any rate.

Simpson-Romo Watch

Hey, what’s an installment of Squeeze Play without checking in on Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo, America’s least favourite couple (well, at least America’s Team’s least favourite couple)?

It seems everyone and his brother (especially those who are Cowboy fans) would love to see these two head to Splitsville, but instead, they were on their way to Hawaii last weekend for the Pro Bowl. Apparently, the pair is still trying to make a go of it, despite rumours that Romo tried to break up with Simpson last month.

However, upon arriving at LAX on Monday, they were reportedly walking with quite a bit of space between them. Perhaps Jessica wouldn’t play nice and wear a coconut bra for Tony. No wonder he was a bit icy upon returning to the mainland.

Obviously, they got past that, as the two were seen sharing chocolate-covered strawberries in a Dallas restaurant on Valentine’s Day. Me? Personally, I prefer to be hand-fed raspberries, but hey, whatever works for you.

Bridget Breaks Silence

Bridget Moynahan finally surfaced with her first public comments since giving birth to ex-boyfriend Tom Brady’s child.

But the real kicker here was that she chose to speak in a Blog interview – on YouTube!

Being interviewed by actor/comedian Sam Harris, Moynahan was asked “What was the most difficult thing about the pregnancy?”

She found that quite amusing, answering: “What was the most difficult thing about the pregnancy? You know what was the most difficult thing about the pregnancy!”

So while she chose not to slag Brady directly, she was certainly alluding to him. Obviously the toughest part was pumping out a pup without her Patriot. In a word, Moynahan was ‘Giseled.’

She began the interview with six-month old John Edward Thomas Moynahan in her arms – but he was off camera. Later, she asked: “Shall I get rid of the baby?”

Uh, sorry Bridget, it’s a bit late to be punting this pregnancy.

Click here to view the complete interview; it’s nine minutes and 59 seconds of your life that you will never get back.

Famous playboy/soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo has 88 million more reasons to stay single – the sum he’ll be paid over the next six years by Manchester United thanks to a brand, spanking new contract.

Speaking of Man U., Cristiano could teach a few courses there, having been linked to such hotties as actress Gemma Atkinson, TV star/singer Luciana Abreu and more recently, TV star Carolina Patrocinio.

But getting tied down is not Ronaldo’s thing (tied up, may be another story altogether). He’s too busy throwing orgies for his teammates, shelling out 3,000 pounds recently to have five escorts do their thang for him and a couple of other Man U. players. Talk about keeping your wingmen happy!

Super Bowl Recap

Was it any surprise that the Patriots lost to the Giants last weekend? How could New England truly be motivated after Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen (aka, Tom Brady’s latest squeeze) promised to run naked down Broadway if New England lost.

Well, now she says she never made that promise.

Oh, jeez. You mean New England let its perfect season slip away for nothing? Talk about a tease.

Then again, according to Patriots’ lineback Mike Vrabel, Gisele has been distracting the boys all season.

“Those legs, that butt, those lips,” he said. “Thankfully, we’ve got football to release the sexual tension. Bringing an erection onto the field is never a good idea, particularly for a linebacker who relies on lateral pursuit to be effective.”

Gisele wasn’t the only Brady conquest making Super Bowl news. Tara Reid, who has been through a locker room full of athletes in her day, was clearly not over the flamboyant QB, summing up her feelings from a Super Bowl party in Italy: “Fuck Tom Brady…I hope the Giants win.”

Looks like Ms. Reid got both her wishes. Too bad she didn’t aim a little higher, like maybe for her career to be resuscitated?

Country Time

Country singer Sara Evans is now dating Jay Barker, a former football star at the University of Alabama and currently a sports radio show host in Birmingham.

Evans had to leave Dancing With the Stars after launching into a bitter divorce from ex Craig Schelske.

Barker was a big star in college, but never did much as a pro, even though he did spend three years up here, QBing the Argos.

Well, at least now he can live like a star vicariously through his girlfriend. By the way, Barker spent his only NFL season with the Patriots. What is it about being a Patriot quarterback that attracts the starlets?

Don’t Touch me with That Thing

Victoria Beckham is more than just a little pleased with hubby David’s Armani underwear ads.

Of course, retailers are also pretty stoked about using the soccer star’s “Golden Balls,” as Victoria lovingly calls them, to flog their wares. London department store Selfridges experienced a 150 per cent rise in sales of men’s briefs in the first day of sales after the launch of the Emporio Armani underwear line.

If those briefs can get a 150 per cent rise out of the common man, ladies everywhere will be lining up for a pair for their man.

As for Victoria, she’s happy with the package that life has dealt her.

Asked about the billboard ads in Milan, she said, “I’m proud to see his penis 25 foot tall. It’s great. It’s huge. It’s enormous. Massive.”

A 25-foot penis? Yikes. Would you settle for 25 centimetres, ladies?

The on-again, off-again saga that is Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo (and, of course, her refusal to allow him to dump her) is definitely on again. Last week, the pair was spotted at the Key Club in LA where Metal Skool Night was playing.

Jessica obviously must have done some schooling of Tony, because he was reportedly quite affectionate with her, wrapping his arm around her and resting his head on her shoulder. Do you, too, have a Paul Anka soundtrack playing in your head now?

The two even hopped on stage with the band at one point.

Take that, paparazzi! Jessica’s message was loud and clear: We are still a going concern. To drill that home even further, Jessica, and her little dog, too, arrived in New York early Wednesday morning and she (Jessica, not the dog) was wearing a camouflage Dallas Cowboys’ hat. No camouflaging her feelings there! But what? No Cowboys’ bandana for the mangy-looking Daisy?

Relationship Flashback: Andy and Mandy

The ill-fated relationship (is there any other kind, really?) between tennis star Andy Roddick and singer/actress Mandy Moore holds a special place for us Torontonians, as this affair began in our fair city.

In 2002, Moore was in town filming How to Deal when she met A-Rod, one year her senior and at the time surging his way up the rankings towards superstardom. It seemed like match made in heaven.

By the summer of 2003, she said she was very much in love, even if it was a “crazy, long-distance romance.” Mandy also found it a bit weird to sit in the stands with Andy’s parents and friends during his matches, listening to girls in the crowd swooning over him, offering him everything from homemade baked lasagna to their maidenhood. Clearly, Andy wasn’t at a loss to find someone to lug his balls around, so to speak.

Of course, as an up and coming celebrity, Moore had her share of admirers, too. In fact, the relationship garnered so much attention that it put a strain on Andy’s career.

However, love seemed to be in air in September 2003, when Roddick broke through and won the U.S. Open. And when he celebrated his one and only Grand Slam title, it was obviously Moore he was slamming at the time, as evidenced by his jumping into the stands to hug her after his win.

Roddick did his best to teach the tender-aged Moore how to handle a racquet properly, but it quickly became clear that despite her impressive 5′10″ frame and athletic body, she wasn’t exactly a sport-o.

“We’ll hit balls when he practices, but I’m no good,” she said. “I’m not athletically inclined. Usually I get really frustrated with myself. I’m not even good at mini golf.”

Can’t you just see this awkward girl, self described as “like, the most uncoordinated person you’ll ever meet” trying to return his 150 mph serve? Like, her agent must have been cringing at the prospect of Mandy taking one of those off the noggin.

But Mandy did have a brush with sports growing up. “I actually tried to play basketball when I was younger in a girls and boys league and that was only because my parents promised me Penny Hardaway basketball shoes if I played.” Penny Hardaways? Oh jeez, how October 1997 can you get?

But to further cement her status as the queen of spaz, Mandy said: “I can’t even dance. I just don’t have the coordination.”

Have you ever heard that you can tell a lot about a person as a prospective lover based on their dancing ability? Small wonder this tryst was doomed to the direct-to-video bin.

Sure enough, in March 2004, Andy said game, set and match to his relationship with Mandy.

She said it was because he “doesn’t like Los Angeles very much and he doesn’t care about the industry.”

For his part, Andy said he terminated things because carrying on a long distance relationship was taking away from his tennis. Those close to him said he was fed up with her Hollywood life and how the paparrazi would hound them wherever they went. Dude, what do you expect? In case you hadn’t clued in, you’re pretty big news yourself.

At any rate, Mandy was so traumatized by their demise that she penned a whole disc worth of tracks about the breakup, a collection released last year. Pass the Kleenex!

Two years and change after the pair split, Andy, at the time linked to tennis superbabe Maria Sharapova, was spotted having lunch with Mandy. Apparently, she spent the entire meal eating him up with her eyes. That sure got the tongues a-wagging. Was A-Rod two-timing with Maria and Mandy? Talk about mixed doubles!

But rest assured, Andy and Mandy were “just friends,” despite her drool stains. That winter, she lent him a helping hand, so to speak, by adding some star power to his first annual Charity Celebrity Poker Tournament. Again, speculation of a reunion was sparked, but Andy quickly aced that talk, insisting the two were merely friends.

Since her grand slam with Andy, Mandy’s done dating athletes. Most recently, she was seen with Matthew Perry, 15 years her senior. Damn, she would have been in grade school when Friends first hit the air. Maybe dating a much younger lady will help Chandler stay sober. Hey, it can’t hurt.

Last week, in the debut of Squeeze Play, our new column focusing on athletes getting down and dirty with celebs, we discussed Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo’s Cabo getaway in the days leading up the Cowboys’ playoff match against the Giants.

Of course, Dallas went down in an upset and, according to OK! magazine, Romo is ready to send Simpson packing.

Jessica, however, says the report is fertilizer-like, and she’s sicked her lawyers on the pub in the hopes that OK! will publish a retraction.

So what really happened?

Well, industry sources have told us that America’s sweethearts weren’t alone on their Mexican tryst.

Apparently, the couple was joined by Jessica’s family and at least one of Tony’s teammates. Does that mean Ashlee will be the next Simpson gal to hook up with one of America’s Team? How can we get Terrell Owens into this picture? Couldn’t you just see it now? T.O. and Ashlee practicing a hoe-down touchdown dance while he pulls a Sharpee out of his sock and she lip synchs with it? There’s a mental picture I didn’t need.

Perhaps this was also an image that Romo couldn’t live with, so he tried to break up her with. Reportedly, he’s also coming to realize she’s a diva (no kidding?) and is high maintenance (again, what a newsflash that must be). Romo is also apparently getting sick of the fact that Jessica’s dad Joe is always hanging around. It’s pretty hard to get busy with your girlfriend when her father is breathing down your back, asking you for free tickets and autographs.

The clincher? Romo won’t move to L.A., and she said there’s no way she’ll move. Romo’s had his share of long distance hookups on the field, but this reeks more of a Hail Mary situation. No wonder he wants out.

However, Jessica is not having it. When Romo called her last week to try to split up, she wouldn’t listen.

Well, she can ignore this all she wants, but the fact remains that it’s fourth and 10 – time to punt. I’d like to get a little poetic here and toss in another verse that rhymes, but that would be just plain rude. And we can’t have that, can we?

Cat Calls: Tony and Eva

• Tony Parker and Eva Longoria’s first date? At an IHOP. That’s right, the modern day model athlete/celebrity couple first fell in love at a pancake house. One bite of that French toast, and she was all his.
• The couple recently had to wage war with their builders to create a more environmentally-friendly home. With the Celtics at the top of the NBA, it’s no wonder Tony wanted to go green. As for Eva, who can tell through all that fake bake what colour she really is?
• Eva’s doing her best to deep six Tony’s rep, admitting recently that he fakes flops to sell fouls against his opponents. Wow, now there’s a real original NBA tactic. Let’s hope that’s all he’s faking, honey. At any rate, thanks for winning him points with the refs, Eva. Then again, we all know how impartial NBA refs are.
• Still, there’s no doubt who Parker’s biggest fan is. After all, she’s got his number (nine) tattooed to the back of her neck. Is that how they brand their women in France?
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Back in the day, Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were pioneers in the world of celebrity-athlete pairings.

Welcome to Squeeze Play, our newest feature on RotoRob, where we bring you the latest dirt about which celebrities are being spotted with which athletes; which QB is porking the CB (cute blonde); which All-Star is having a little starlet sandwich on the side; and which right winger is taking a sweet, young model under his wing.

Celebrities hooking up with athletes is now an accepted, age-old tradition, probably first ushered in during the 1950s when Joe DiMaggio won the heart of timeless sex symbol Marilyn Monroe. Since then, we’ve seen an endless stream of sports figures dating/marrying/doing the mummy and daddy dance with the world’s top models, actresses and musicians. In Squeeze Play, we’ll talk about some of the classic relationships over the years, and open the kimono on the most recent scuttlebutt in the world of celebrity dating.

By now, we’ve had it up to here reading about how Jessica Simpson single-handedly destroyed the Cowboys’ season by her mere presence at the games. Given extra time off because Dallas was the NFC’s top seed, quarterback Tony Romo opted to whisk his gal-pal Simpson away for a mini-vacation in Cabo San Lucas in Mexico while his teammates were using the time as a team-building and bonding period before their playoff date against the Giants last weekend.

While Romo didn’t absolutely suck Sunday against the New York, with just 18-of-36 passes completed and one TD against one INT, he wasn’t good enough to stop the ‘Boys from a second straight early playoff exit. (Well, at least he didn’t fumble the game away like he did last year.) And given that Dallas was expected to come out of the NFC as champions and looked like a strong bet to take it all this year, it’s a bitter pill to swallow once again.

It’s been revealed that Romo was dealing with a thumb injury that caused swelling for much of the game. Apparently, he hurt it on just his second throw of the game, but come on, let’s get real here. Just where was Romo sticking his thumb in the days leading up to this critical match? Jessica? Any comment on that?

You may recall that in late 2006, he took up with former American Idol winner Carrie Underwood. Anybody think Romo was better off with Underwood? The stats seem to suggest so. Romo was having a fantastic season this year until Simpson started showing up on the Jumbotron a bit too often.

Alright, enough about how Simpson destroyed Dallas’ hopes for a Super Bowl.

Let’s move on to some classic athlete-celebrity gossip and discuss the king of all such endevours – Derek Jeter. Over his stellar career, Jeter has been linked to such hotties as Mariah Carey, Jessica Alba, Vanessa Minnillo, Jessica Biel, Lara Dutta, Jordana Brewster, Cassia Riley, Joy Enriquez (who he stole from A-Rod, by the way) and Scarlett Johansson. Phew…my wrists are hurting after typing that list. Did I leave anyone out?

Jeez, ‘The Captain’ sure knows how to make the rounds. Let’s see, he’s been with a Miss Universe, a pop diva, a couple of actresses, an MTV VJ (and former Miss Teen USA), a Playboy Pet of the Year runner-up, and the two Jessicas (well, the two that really matter, with apologies to the aforementioned Ms. Simpson and of course, the lovely Ms. Tandy, circa 1940). I think we’re going to need an extra scorecard to track this dude’s sexsploits.

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