While it’s officially past the halfway point of the schedule, the All-Star break is the symbolic tipping point NHL year. Let’s take a look back and a look ahead at what’s happened so far:

• Boy, those Columbus Blue Jackets sure are sending out the rookies with fantasy value. Hopefully, you rode Derick Brassard before his season-ending surgery. If you were lucky and fast, hopefully you grabbed Steve Mason before people noticed how good he is. For the second half, Nikita Filitov (currently injured) might not be a bad filler pick, especially when Columbus get Kristian Huselius back from the IR. Columbus is in the hunt for a playmaking centre and if it gets one by the trade deadline, it could shift the team’s depth chart and open up more scoring situations for someone like Filitov.
• Your first-half fantasy MVP is Evgeni Malkin, though depending on what specialty categories your league has, other players could have shone brightly. Need game winners? Try Patrick Marleau of the Sharks. Love the shots on goal? Alexander Ovechkin has 100 more than second-place Eric Staal. Power play stud? Almost all of Teemu Selanne’s goals were on the power play; in fact, he still leads the league in power-play goals despite being injured.
• From a goaltending perspective, Miikka Kiprusoff might not have the best stats, but he’s piling up the wins and games played. He’s also got the most saves, though Mike Smith of the Lightning is close behind, and Smith’s saves-per-game ratio and save percentage are higher. As for shutouts, Columbus’ Mason is making Pascal Leclaire cry in his multi-million dollar boots.
• The year’s biggest surprises? Congrats to anyone who picked up a number of Boston Bruins early. Same thing with the early adopters of Jeff Carter, Mason, Devin Setoguchi, and Nikolai Zherdev. And props to players like Mikko Koivu and Shane Doan for finally fulfilling their potential, and Simon Gagne for staying healthy enough to remind us why he’s such a good player.
• The league is making noise about suspending All-Star no-shows for one game. There seems to be some uncertainty about whether or not this means just putting in an appearance at the weekend or actually hitting the ice. It’s also unclear whether or not this affects the YoungStars game. In any case, be certain to monitor this and adjust your lineups accordingly.
• To prepare for the next big league event (the trade deadline), start looking at teams that are falling out of contention. Stocking up on their veteran players might not be a bad idea as these are the guys who will most likely be shipped to Cup contenders (hello, New York Islanders and St. Louis Blues).
• As for teams that are actually coming together, the Lightning are purporting the belief that it just might be able to contend for a playoff spot. I doubt that will happen, but there are some fantasy benefits: from top to bottom, the team’s playing much better under Rick Tocchet and newly acquired Cory Murphy is turning out to be a great fit on the power play. The Phoenix Coyotes are still led by Doan and Olli Jokinen but there’s some depth coming through, with players like Peter Mueller and Enver Lisin discovering their scoring touch. And the Florida Panthers are in the playoff hunt for the first time in ages thanks to a bunch of good-not-great sleepers like Gregory Campbell and Michael Frolik.

The Week Ahead

• Shameless plug: I’ll be liveblogging the All-Star Game with a little help from the folks at Versus (and maybe some surprise dirt from RotoRob’s visit to Montreal). Drop by and say hello for a snarky take on the no-hitting game.
• The schedule resumes on Tuesday. Like I mentioned earlier, check to see who’s been given a suspension for no-showing the All-Star festivities. Games on Tuesday and Wednesday will most likely be affected.
• The marquee matchup coming out of the All-Star break? Tuesday night’s battle between East leaders Washington and Boston. Look for some of Boston’s injured soldiers to be back in the lineup for what should be a hard-hitting and uptempo game.

A guy is asking from me in a trade Jimmy Rollins, David DeJesus and Josh Hamilton and he has offered me Vladimir Guerrero, J.J. Hardy and Mariano Rivera. Do you think it will be a fair trade for me? I’m in a keeper league. Here’s my keepers list at this time:
 
Bengie Molina
Paul Konerko
Orlando Hudson
Jimmy Rollins
David Wright
Alfonso Soriano
Manny Ramirez
Josh Hamilton
Daisuke Matsuzaka
Brandon Webb
Rich Harden
Jason Isringhausen

Do you think my team would be better with Vlad, Hardy and Rivera?
 
Thanks,

Martin

Martin,

I would say “no!”

Hamilton is a somewhat young masher in Texas (26 years old) and Vlady is 32 years old now. I do think Rollins had a career year, but I’d rather have the defending NL MVP over Hardy. Mo for DeJesus was just thrown in there to throw you off the trail of how bad the rest of the trade is.

Why are Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen being so close mouthed about this alleged sex tape? So what if they were supposedly caught doing the mummy and daddy dance in a private restaurant wine cellar? What’s a little porking and corking between friends?

Besides, sex tapes are so February 2001. I mean, jeez, everybody has one by now.

What’s the big deal? Just put the damn thing on YouTube already and let’s all move on.

Scouting Report

Kris Benson is trying to revive his flagging career and apparently has been impressive in his workouts for the Phillies as he tries to work his way back from injuries.

Wife Anna was there to provide a scouting report, saying “Kris looks great.”

Uh, thanks, Anna. We were actually here to check out his fastball, not his butt. However, if you want to show us some booty, we’re okay with that.

The Great One Takes his Hacks

Former hockey uber stud Wayne Gretzky dropped by the Royals’ training camp last week and, along with his wife and son, took some batting practice.

The Great One has often said that when he was growing up, he wanted to be a baseball player. Instead, he settled on being the greatest player in the history of the NHL.

Of course, longtime wife Janet Jones has had her share of close encounters with balls, having appeared in the movie “A League of Their Own.”

The word on the street was that Jones was taking BP quite seriously, heading over to the video camera to check her swing after each hack.

Sure she wasn’t just checking her makeup?

At any rate, even the Royals aren’t sad enough to sign Jones or her 47-year-old husband. Or are they? What do you think the odds are on that one? Where’s Rick Tocchet when you need him?

With Terry Francona about to manage his fifth straight season opener for the Boston Red Sox and a contract extension already in hand, it appears that the days of the revolving door BoSox manager are over.

How unstable a gig is this?

Consider the fact that when Tito handles that fifth straight season opener next week, he’ll become just the third Red Sox skipper to be at the helm for that many consecutive openers since the end of the War. That would be the Second World War, by the way.

Only Mike Higgins (1954-1959) and Jimy “one M” Williams (1997-2001) can claim that rare feat among BoSox managers.

Before all is said and done — especially given his contract extension — Francona could become the second-longest serving Red Sox manager ever, behind only the legendary Joe Cronin, who held the job from 1935 to 1947.

Further to Tuesday’s season preview of the Oakland A’s, RotoRob writer Tim McLeod gave me some shit for not mentioning Gio Gonzalez, one of his personal faves and part of the booty from the Nick Swisher trade.

As we know, the A’s have parted with plenty of stars over the last six or seven years, allowing them to either walk as free agents, or dealing them as they neared free agency. Included in this list are such one-time or current studs as Jason Giambi, Miguel Tejada, Tim Hudson, Mark Mulder and Barry Zito.

But what about the players Oakland has gotten back through its purging? Let’s check how that’s gone.

By allowing Giambi to bolt to the Yanks, Oakland received two picks, the first of which was used to select Joe Blanton, the second to grab catcher Jeremy Brown. Blanton, as discussed, is now the de facto ace, although could be on his way out in the next deal. Brown is still improving offensively, but is no longer exclusively a catcher and has been passed by Kurt Suzuki as the catching option going forward.

When Tejada left for Charm City in 2003, the A’s again got two picks as compensation. The first one turned out to be Huston Street - another wise choice, but, like Blanton, perhaps someone who will be in the next wave of A’s to be sent packing. The second draft pick was used to get Michael Rogers, a swingman who has not panned out (career ERA of almost 6.00) yet, and looks like an extreme longshot.

When Oakland dealt Hudson to the Braves in 2004, the return was outfielder Charles Thomas, SP Dan Meyer and RP Juan Cruz. Thomas played all of 30 games with the A’s before being dealt to Milwaukee for catcher J.D. Closser, who is looking like an organizational player at best. Meyer, as I discussed in the preview, has a chance to stick as the fifth starter. And Cruz was absolute firestarter in his one season in an Oakland uni before he was dealt to ‘Zona for Brad Halsey, who was decent as a swingman in 2006 before missing most of last season with an injury.

Dealing Agent Mulder in 2004 turned out to be a fantastic move. Not only did the A’s get top prospect Daric Barton, dependable (until last year) reliever Kiko Calero and emerging ace Dan Haren back from the Cards, but Mulder’s incessant injury issues have made the trade incredibly one-sided in the A’s favour.

When Zito was signed away by the Giants, the A’s earned themselves two bonus picks in last year’s draft. They used them to grab Sean Doolittle, a two-way college star likely ticketed to play first base as a pro, and Grant Desme, who will hopefully help address the team’s lack of outfield depth over the next couple of years.

When Haren was flipped this offseason (along with Connor Robertson), Oakland got a boatload of prospects from Arizona: Brett Anderson (one of the top pitching prospects in the game), Dana Eveland (who could win the fifth starter job this spring), Greg Smith (another arm with great potential), Aaron Cunningham (adding some much needed outfield depth), Carlos Gonzalez (a future fixture in LF in Oakland) and Chris Carter (another dart at first base).

In addition to Gio Gonzalez, the A’s also landed good looking young pitcher Fautino De Los Santos and OF prospect Ryan Sweeney from the Sox in exchange for Swisher.

And in exchange for Mark Kotsay, the A’s received future closer Joey Devine from the Braves.

Apparently, the easiest way to bag yourself a Cosmopolitan Fun Fearless Male Award is to bag Jessica Simpson.

It’s uncanny. Consider that last year, Jessica’s ex-hubby Nick Lachey earned the Fun Fearless Male of the Year Award.

This year, three more Simpson lovers – past and present – were honoured by the mag. John Mayer took home the Fun Fearless Male of the Year Award, while Dane Cook and Simpson’s current beau, Tony Romo, also both won awards.

Okay, lest you think only Simpson conquests win these things, that’s not the case, but clearly, those that have carnal knowledge of her are shoo-ins for this honour.

I get the Fearless part – you’ve got to have balls of steel to deal with her, but Fun? What’s fun about having your life become tabloid fodder? Okay, don’t answer that.

Get Outta Bed, Beeyatch

In other Simpson news (ugh, I know, I can’t stand it anymore, either), it’s been revealed that she has major issues with insomnia and can apparently only sleep at night if she lies on the floor.

“It’s a mental thing,” she says.

Uh, you got that right.

Simpson often has to leave Romo alone in their bed of bliss while she sleeps on the floor. What? Isn’t that Dallas Cowboys’ comforter cozy enough for you?

Anyways, is it just me or doesn’t she realize that it’s no accident she’s winding up on the floor each morning? Hey, she can pretend that she’s making the conscious decision to leave bed and lie on the floor, but let’s get real here. Tony – no doubt channeling his inner punter – has nothing to do with this? Riiiiiiiigggghhht.

In other matters, I am sick of writing about these two, but hey, they are the hot athlete-celeb couple now. Believe me, I search high and low for anything I can write about other than this pair, but there’s just nothing out there now. If you’ve had it with this couple as well, feel free to send me your celebrity-athlete news tips.

Putting the Kids First

Things are getting ugly between Linda and Hulk Hogan, embroiled in a bitter divorce. According to legal documents obtained by TMZ.com, Linda is claiming that Hulk is using their son Nick to deliver messages related to the divorce. She also charges the wrestler with telling the kid secrets that he didn’t want Linda to be aware of.

Linda is asking the courts to order Hulk to stop talking to Nick about the divorce.

Ah, I feel the love.

Wrestler Floyd Mayweather celebrated his 31st birthday in style last week, taking Vegas by storm with both a lovely hottie on his arm (R&B singer Keisha Cole) and some serious accessories.

Round his neck, ‘Pretty Boy’ was sporting a huge-ass pendant that said “Philthy Rich.” The necklace, capable of being seen from space, was gaudy enough to make Mr. T blush.

As if that wasn’t enough, Mayweather was spotted walking around with fistfuls of cash. Who even uses bills anymore? Hello? Cash Card?

Plastic Passion

If you’re a stargazer, you have to check out this web site I came across recently. Have you ever wondered which celebrities are having cosmetic work done? Who’s getting their B cups augmented? Who’s attending the Botox Bash?

Check out AwfulPlasticSurgery.com for the real scoop. Unfortunately, the site is set up in such a manner that I can’t steer you to any particular articles, but on the home page currently is a fascinating comparison of Eva Longoria from five years ago to more recent images, where it appears that she is all Botoxed-up. The evidence is pretty overwhelming. Damn, maybe they ought to extend all those athlete drug tests to their wives.

Word to the wise: Make sure you don’t check it out before you have lunch. Come to think of it, viewing this right after eating isn’t such a good idea either.

Not Singing the Marriage Tune

Rest easy, ladies. It appears Enrique Iglesias will remain eligible to an extent as he is not ready to marry long-time girlfriend, “tennis” goddess Anna Kournikova.

The pop star, who recently set a new record for Latin artists with his 18th No. 1 hit on Billboard’s Hot Latin Songs list (what? More than Jose Feliciano?), says that marriage “is a big responsibility.”

No kidding. No wonder you’re such a role model.

“I’m a bit neurotic,” Iglesias said. “But I feel lucky. Anna is a great girl and we complement each other very well.”

Possible translation: ‘I have abhorrent, deeply-rooted sexual issues that manifest themselves in extreme fetish behaviour, but she is a wild tart and is up for anything.’ Or something like that.

No, Lindsay Lohan isn’t dating an athlete (that we know of), but it appears she has a thing for wrestlers, showing up Monday at the Honda Center for WWE Raw and appearing in some photos with John Cena, Rey Mysterio and Floyd Mayweather (hey, I don’t know who the frig these dudes are, but if you’re into wrestling, you probably do).

Clearly, LiLo is clamouring for some attention these days.

What, the Marilyn Monroe photo shoot wasn’t enough exposure?

For those of you living under a rock, Lohan recently posed naked for New York Magazine, paying homage to the classic Marilyn nude photo shoot done 46 years ago by Bert Stern, the same photographer who took the LiLo shots.

I love the fact that Lindsey took her baby sister with her to the photo shoot (”now here’s how to be a real skank, kiddo”). That’s all class.

The best part? There was some speculation that LiLo was tricked into doing this photo shoot. Classic celeb site What Would Tyler Durden Do? had this to say about the idea that Lohan could have been duped into posing nude:

“If it was a hot day, you could put your penis through a cup lid and draw red stripes on it and get oral from her for at least 5 minutes. At least 5.”

Slippery When Wet

Last weekend, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker spent the weekend in Mexico. Parker would have normally been at the NBA All-Star game, but he was injured, so instead he crossed the Rio Grande for a little R and R.

No, there’s nothing particularly racy about that, but it’s a good excuse for us to see Eva applying some sunscreen.

Nice to see that she isn’t letting herself go since getting married. Bow chicka bow.

Jessica’s a Star…in Ukraine

Jessica Simpson’s latest movie, Blonde Ambition, absolutely crashed in North America, grossing a mere $1,771 in its opening weekend in December in eight Texas theatres, according to People.com. And you have to know that at least half of that money was spent by Tony Romo’s teammates, who were likely there just to throw popcorn at the screen.

However, it appears that the movie has hit the big time – in Ukraine, where it soared to No. 1, grossing $253,008 for the weekend of February 14-17, according to Box Office Mojo.

Apparently, no one is throwing perogies or borscht at the screen for this one. I’m sure there are plenty of Cowboy fans who would like nothing more than to see her sent to Ukraine on a one-way ticket.

Soccer stud David Beckham was at it again last week, causing a stir at Jermaine Dupri’s pre-Grammy party at Club Central in Hollywood.

It seems that a young female fan got a bit overexcited, actually fainting after receiving a peck on the cheek from Beckham. Oh come on, was that all? Maybe that 25-foot penis of his – you know, the one that Victoria was bragging about - brushed up against her and it was all too much for such a sweet, young thing. That’ll happen you know. Well, so I hear, at any rate.

Simpson-Romo Watch

Hey, what’s an installment of Squeeze Play without checking in on Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo, America’s least favourite couple (well, at least America’s Team’s least favourite couple)?

It seems everyone and his brother (especially those who are Cowboy fans) would love to see these two head to Splitsville, but instead, they were on their way to Hawaii last weekend for the Pro Bowl. Apparently, the pair is still trying to make a go of it, despite rumours that Romo tried to break up with Simpson last month.

However, upon arriving at LAX on Monday, they were reportedly walking with quite a bit of space between them. Perhaps Jessica wouldn’t play nice and wear a coconut bra for Tony. No wonder he was a bit icy upon returning to the mainland.

Obviously, they got past that, as the two were seen sharing chocolate-covered strawberries in a Dallas restaurant on Valentine’s Day. Me? Personally, I prefer to be hand-fed raspberries, but hey, whatever works for you.

Bridget Breaks Silence

Bridget Moynahan finally surfaced with her first public comments since giving birth to ex-boyfriend Tom Brady’s child.

But the real kicker here was that she chose to speak in a Blog interview – on YouTube!

Being interviewed by actor/comedian Sam Harris, Moynahan was asked “What was the most difficult thing about the pregnancy?”

She found that quite amusing, answering: “What was the most difficult thing about the pregnancy? You know what was the most difficult thing about the pregnancy!”

So while she chose not to slag Brady directly, she was certainly alluding to him. Obviously the toughest part was pumping out a pup without her Patriot. In a word, Moynahan was ‘Giseled.’

She began the interview with six-month old John Edward Thomas Moynahan in her arms – but he was off camera. Later, she asked: “Shall I get rid of the baby?”

Uh, sorry Bridget, it’s a bit late to be punting this pregnancy.

Click here to view the complete interview; it’s nine minutes and 59 seconds of your life that you will never get back.

Famous playboy/soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo has 88 million more reasons to stay single – the sum he’ll be paid over the next six years by Manchester United thanks to a brand, spanking new contract.

Speaking of Man U., Cristiano could teach a few courses there, having been linked to such hotties as actress Gemma Atkinson, TV star/singer Luciana Abreu and more recently, TV star Carolina Patrocinio.

But getting tied down is not Ronaldo’s thing (tied up, may be another story altogether). He’s too busy throwing orgies for his teammates, shelling out 3,000 pounds recently to have five escorts do their thang for him and a couple of other Man U. players. Talk about keeping your wingmen happy!

Super Bowl Recap

Was it any surprise that the Patriots lost to the Giants last weekend? How could New England truly be motivated after Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen (aka, Tom Brady’s latest squeeze) promised to run naked down Broadway if New England lost.

Well, now she says she never made that promise.

Oh, jeez. You mean New England let its perfect season slip away for nothing? Talk about a tease.

Then again, according to Patriots’ lineback Mike Vrabel, Gisele has been distracting the boys all season.

“Those legs, that butt, those lips,” he said. “Thankfully, we’ve got football to release the sexual tension. Bringing an erection onto the field is never a good idea, particularly for a linebacker who relies on lateral pursuit to be effective.”

Gisele wasn’t the only Brady conquest making Super Bowl news. Tara Reid, who has been through a locker room full of athletes in her day, was clearly not over the flamboyant QB, summing up her feelings from a Super Bowl party in Italy: “Fuck Tom Brady…I hope the Giants win.”

Looks like Ms. Reid got both her wishes. Too bad she didn’t aim a little higher, like maybe for her career to be resuscitated?

Country Time

Country singer Sara Evans is now dating Jay Barker, a former football star at the University of Alabama and currently a sports radio show host in Birmingham.

Evans had to leave Dancing With the Stars after launching into a bitter divorce from ex Craig Schelske.

Barker was a big star in college, but never did much as a pro, even though he did spend three years up here, QBing the Argos.

Well, at least now he can live like a star vicariously through his girlfriend. By the way, Barker spent his only NFL season with the Patriots. What is it about being a Patriot quarterback that attracts the starlets?

Don’t Touch me with That Thing

Victoria Beckham is more than just a little pleased with hubby David’s Armani underwear ads.

Of course, retailers are also pretty stoked about using the soccer star’s “Golden Balls,” as Victoria lovingly calls them, to flog their wares. London department store Selfridges experienced a 150 per cent rise in sales of men’s briefs in the first day of sales after the launch of the Emporio Armani underwear line.

If those briefs can get a 150 per cent rise out of the common man, ladies everywhere will be lining up for a pair for their man.

As for Victoria, she’s happy with the package that life has dealt her.

Asked about the billboard ads in Milan, she said, “I’m proud to see his penis 25 foot tall. It’s great. It’s huge. It’s enormous. Massive.”

A 25-foot penis? Yikes. Would you settle for 25 centimetres, ladies?

The on-again, off-again saga that is Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo (and, of course, her refusal to allow him to dump her) is definitely on again. Last week, the pair was spotted at the Key Club in LA where Metal Skool Night was playing.

Jessica obviously must have done some schooling of Tony, because he was reportedly quite affectionate with her, wrapping his arm around her and resting his head on her shoulder. Do you, too, have a Paul Anka soundtrack playing in your head now?

The two even hopped on stage with the band at one point.

Take that, paparazzi! Jessica’s message was loud and clear: We are still a going concern. To drill that home even further, Jessica, and her little dog, too, arrived in New York early Wednesday morning and she (Jessica, not the dog) was wearing a camouflage Dallas Cowboys’ hat. No camouflaging her feelings there! But what? No Cowboys’ bandana for the mangy-looking Daisy?

Relationship Flashback: Andy and Mandy

The ill-fated relationship (is there any other kind, really?) between tennis star Andy Roddick and singer/actress Mandy Moore holds a special place for us Torontonians, as this affair began in our fair city.

In 2002, Moore was in town filming How to Deal when she met A-Rod, one year her senior and at the time surging his way up the rankings towards superstardom. It seemed like match made in heaven.

By the summer of 2003, she said she was very much in love, even if it was a “crazy, long-distance romance.” Mandy also found it a bit weird to sit in the stands with Andy’s parents and friends during his matches, listening to girls in the crowd swooning over him, offering him everything from homemade baked lasagna to their maidenhood. Clearly, Andy wasn’t at a loss to find someone to lug his balls around, so to speak.

Of course, as an up and coming celebrity, Moore had her share of admirers, too. In fact, the relationship garnered so much attention that it put a strain on Andy’s career.

However, love seemed to be in air in September 2003, when Roddick broke through and won the U.S. Open. And when he celebrated his one and only Grand Slam title, it was obviously Moore he was slamming at the time, as evidenced by his jumping into the stands to hug her after his win.

Roddick did his best to teach the tender-aged Moore how to handle a racquet properly, but it quickly became clear that despite her impressive 5′10″ frame and athletic body, she wasn’t exactly a sport-o.

“We’ll hit balls when he practices, but I’m no good,” she said. “I’m not athletically inclined. Usually I get really frustrated with myself. I’m not even good at mini golf.”

Can’t you just see this awkward girl, self described as “like, the most uncoordinated person you’ll ever meet” trying to return his 150 mph serve? Like, her agent must have been cringing at the prospect of Mandy taking one of those off the noggin.

But Mandy did have a brush with sports growing up. “I actually tried to play basketball when I was younger in a girls and boys league and that was only because my parents promised me Penny Hardaway basketball shoes if I played.” Penny Hardaways? Oh jeez, how October 1997 can you get?

But to further cement her status as the queen of spaz, Mandy said: “I can’t even dance. I just don’t have the coordination.”

Have you ever heard that you can tell a lot about a person as a prospective lover based on their dancing ability? Small wonder this tryst was doomed to the direct-to-video bin.

Sure enough, in March 2004, Andy said game, set and match to his relationship with Mandy.

She said it was because he “doesn’t like Los Angeles very much and he doesn’t care about the industry.”

For his part, Andy said he terminated things because carrying on a long distance relationship was taking away from his tennis. Those close to him said he was fed up with her Hollywood life and how the paparrazi would hound them wherever they went. Dude, what do you expect? In case you hadn’t clued in, you’re pretty big news yourself.

At any rate, Mandy was so traumatized by their demise that she penned a whole disc worth of tracks about the breakup, a collection released last year. Pass the Kleenex!

Two years and change after the pair split, Andy, at the time linked to tennis superbabe Maria Sharapova, was spotted having lunch with Mandy. Apparently, she spent the entire meal eating him up with her eyes. That sure got the tongues a-wagging. Was A-Rod two-timing with Maria and Mandy? Talk about mixed doubles!

But rest assured, Andy and Mandy were “just friends,” despite her drool stains. That winter, she lent him a helping hand, so to speak, by adding some star power to his first annual Charity Celebrity Poker Tournament. Again, speculation of a reunion was sparked, but Andy quickly aced that talk, insisting the two were merely friends.

Since her grand slam with Andy, Mandy’s done dating athletes. Most recently, she was seen with Matthew Perry, 15 years her senior. Damn, she would have been in grade school when Friends first hit the air. Maybe dating a much younger lady will help Chandler stay sober. Hey, it can’t hurt.

Last week, in the debut of Squeeze Play, our new column focusing on athletes getting down and dirty with celebs, we discussed Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo’s Cabo getaway in the days leading up the Cowboys’ playoff match against the Giants.

Of course, Dallas went down in an upset and, according to OK! magazine, Romo is ready to send Simpson packing.

Jessica, however, says the report is fertilizer-like, and she’s sicked her lawyers on the pub in the hopes that OK! will publish a retraction.

So what really happened?

Well, industry sources have told us that America’s sweethearts weren’t alone on their Mexican tryst.

Apparently, the couple was joined by Jessica’s family and at least one of Tony’s teammates. Does that mean Ashlee will be the next Simpson gal to hook up with one of America’s Team? How can we get Terrell Owens into this picture? Couldn’t you just see it now? T.O. and Ashlee practicing a hoe-down touchdown dance while he pulls a Sharpee out of his sock and she lip synchs with it? There’s a mental picture I didn’t need.

Perhaps this was also an image that Romo couldn’t live with, so he tried to break up her with. Reportedly, he’s also coming to realize she’s a diva (no kidding?) and is high maintenance (again, what a newsflash that must be). Romo is also apparently getting sick of the fact that Jessica’s dad Joe is always hanging around. It’s pretty hard to get busy with your girlfriend when her father is breathing down your back, asking you for free tickets and autographs.

The clincher? Romo won’t move to L.A., and she said there’s no way she’ll move. Romo’s had his share of long distance hookups on the field, but this reeks more of a Hail Mary situation. No wonder he wants out.

However, Jessica is not having it. When Romo called her last week to try to split up, she wouldn’t listen.

Well, she can ignore this all she wants, but the fact remains that it’s fourth and 10 – time to punt. I’d like to get a little poetic here and toss in another verse that rhymes, but that would be just plain rude. And we can’t have that, can we?

Cat Calls: Tony and Eva

• Tony Parker and Eva Longoria’s first date? At an IHOP. That’s right, the modern day model athlete/celebrity couple first fell in love at a pancake house. One bite of that French toast, and she was all his.
• The couple recently had to wage war with their builders to create a more environmentally-friendly home. With the Celtics at the top of the NBA, it’s no wonder Tony wanted to go green. As for Eva, who can tell through all that fake bake what colour she really is?
• Eva’s doing her best to deep six Tony’s rep, admitting recently that he fakes flops to sell fouls against his opponents. Wow, now there’s a real original NBA tactic. Let’s hope that’s all he’s faking, honey. At any rate, thanks for winning him points with the refs, Eva. Then again, we all know how impartial NBA refs are.
• Still, there’s no doubt who Parker’s biggest fan is. After all, she’s got his number (nine) tattooed to the back of her neck. Is that how they brand their women in France?
]]> http://www.rotorob.com/2008/01/25/squeeze-play-tony-to-put-the-cleats-to-jessica/feed/ 2 http://www.rotorob.com/2008/01/19/squeeze-play-did-jessica-doom-the-%e2%80%98boys/ http://www.rotorob.com/2008/01/19/squeeze-play-did-jessica-doom-the-%e2%80%98boys/#comments Sat, 19 Jan 2008 21:05:27 +0000 RotoRob http://www.rotorob.com/misc/squeeze-play-did-jessica-doom-the-%e2%80%98boys/
Back in the day, Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were pioneers in the world of celebrity-athlete pairings.

Welcome to Squeeze Play, our newest feature on RotoRob, where we bring you the latest dirt about which celebrities are being spotted with which athletes; which QB is porking the CB (cute blonde); which All-Star is having a little starlet sandwich on the side; and which right winger is taking a sweet, young model under his wing.

Celebrities hooking up with athletes is now an accepted, age-old tradition, probably first ushered in during the 1950s when Joe DiMaggio won the heart of timeless sex symbol Marilyn Monroe. Since then, we’ve seen an endless stream of sports figures dating/marrying/doing the mummy and daddy dance with the world’s top models, actresses and musicians. In Squeeze Play, we’ll talk about some of the classic relationships over the years, and open the kimono on the most recent scuttlebutt in the world of celebrity dating.

By now, we’ve had it up to here reading about how Jessica Simpson single-handedly destroyed the Cowboys’ season by her mere presence at the games. Given extra time off because Dallas was the NFC’s top seed, quarterback Tony Romo opted to whisk his gal-pal Simpson away for a mini-vacation in Cabo San Lucas in Mexico while his teammates were using the time as a team-building and bonding period before their playoff date against the Giants last weekend.

While Romo didn’t absolutely suck Sunday against the New York, with just 18-of-36 passes completed and one TD against one INT, he wasn’t good enough to stop the ‘Boys from a second straight early playoff exit. (Well, at least he didn’t fumble the game away like he did last year.) And given that Dallas was expected to come out of the NFC as champions and looked like a strong bet to take it all this year, it’s a bitter pill to swallow once again.

It’s been revealed that Romo was dealing with a thumb injury that caused swelling for much of the game. Apparently, he hurt it on just his second throw of the game, but come on, let’s get real here. Just where was Romo sticking his thumb in the days leading up to this critical match? Jessica? Any comment on that?

You may recall that in late 2006, he took up with former American Idol winner Carrie Underwood. Anybody think Romo was better off with Underwood? The stats seem to suggest so. Romo was having a fantastic season this year until Simpson started showing up on the Jumbotron a bit too often.

Alright, enough about how Simpson destroyed Dallas’ hopes for a Super Bowl.

Let’s move on to some classic athlete-celebrity gossip and discuss the king of all such endevours – Derek Jeter. Over his stellar career, Jeter has been linked to such hotties as Mariah Carey, Jessica Alba, Vanessa Minnillo, Jessica Biel, Lara Dutta, Jordana Brewster, Cassia Riley, Joy Enriquez (who he stole from A-Rod, by the way) and Scarlett Johansson. Phew…my wrists are hurting after typing that list. Did I leave anyone out?

Jeez, ‘The Captain’ sure knows how to make the rounds. Let’s see, he’s been with a Miss Universe, a pop diva, a couple of actresses, an MTV VJ (and former Miss Teen USA), a Playboy Pet of the Year runner-up, and the two Jessicas (well, the two that really matter, with apologies to the aforementioned Ms. Simpson and of course, the lovely Ms. Tandy, circa 1940). I think we’re going to need an extra scorecard to track this dude’s sexsploits.

]]> http://www.rotorob.com/2008/01/19/squeeze-play-did-jessica-doom-the-%e2%80%98boys/feed/ 7 http://www.rotorob.com/2007/09/29/week-four-wide-receivers/ http://www.rotorob.com/2007/09/29/week-four-wide-receivers/#comments Sat, 29 Sep 2007 17:07:10 +0000 Derek Jones http://www.rotorob.com/misc/week-four-wide-receivers/ 1. Randy Moss at Cincinnati “ Moss is having the best start for a receiver heading to a new team. He’s probably salivating at going against a porous Bengals’ secondary.

2. Steve Smith vs. Tampa Bay ” The injury to Jake Delhomme does not drastically change Smith’s value. David Carr will be effective in the offense regardless.

3. Terrell Owens vs. St. Louis ” The reeling Rams will be no match for Owens.

4. Reggie Wayne vs. Denver “ One of the premier matchups of the weekend will be the Broncos’ cornerbacks against the Colts’ receivers. Historically, the Colts win this matchup. I hope you have your track shoes, Dre Bly.

5. Roy Williams vs. Chicago “ The Lions put up some great fantasy numbers last week against the Eagles’ defense. A banged-up Bears’ defense may not have an answer for Williams.

6. Chad Johnson vs. New England “ When Cincy is down by 24 points in the second half, Johnson should make some headway.

7. Marvin Harrison vs. Denver ” See Mr. Wayne at No. 4.

8. Plaxico Burress vs. Philadelphia ” A bum ankle could limit Burress’s productivity.

9. Anquan Boldin vs. Pittsburgh “ Monitor Boldin’s hip injury. His sensational game against Baltimore may have come at a price.

10. Javon Walker at Indianapolis “ This game could develop into a shootout which will help the struggling Walker.

11. Donald Driver at Minnesota “ Spread

]]> http://www.rotorob.com/2007/09/29/week-four-wide-receivers/feed/ 2 http://www.rotorob.com/2007/09/27/week-four-quarterback-rankings/ http://www.rotorob.com/2007/09/27/week-four-quarterback-rankings/#comments Fri, 28 Sep 2007 01:31:03 +0000 Andy Goldstein http://www.rotorob.com/misc/week-four-quarterback-rankings/
Jon Kitna has been a surprisingly pleasant fantasy option this season.

1. Tony Romo vs. Rams – I guess I’ll buy into this Romo guy. Terrell Owens is playing as well as any wide out in the league and Romo is also finding Jason Witten at will. Those two receiving options ensure that Romo will toss at least 250 yards and two or three touchdowns.

2. Tom Brady @ Bengals – I haven’t looked at the over/under on this contest, but I assume it’s the highest of the week. Last week, the Bengals’ defense allowed Nate Burleson to perform as though he were a legitimate NFL wide out. That alone makes me think Brady will go for 275 yards and two scores.

3. Donovan McNabb @ Giants – If you were wondering, the Eagles’ jerseys last week were the original costumes worn 75 years ago by the team. They were based on the Philadelphia flag, which was designed by William Penn, and used Swedish flag colours because Philadelphia was first settled by, among others, Swedes. See, it all makes sense.

4. Carson Palmer vs. Patriots – Palmer is really in the best situation of any quarterback in the league, from a fantasy perspective. He’s got two elite wide outs to throw to, and a terrible defense ensuring he’ll need to pass all game, every game. The Patriots’ defense can slow the best of them, and Palmer might throw a couple more interceptions, but the yards and touchdowns should be more than enough to make up for it.

5. Peyton Manning vs. Broncos – Maybe this really is the year that Reggie Wayne outperforms Marvin Harrison. I’m sure Harrison has talked to Manning by now about increasing his looks, but Wayne is making the most out of his receptions. All of this has little to do with Manning, who might have a slightly down week against the top pass defense in the league. But what do you care? You’re not going to bench him.

6. Jon Kitna vs. Bears – Kitna has been all sorts of good this year, and the Bears’ defense was not only gashed by the passing game last week, they were also banged up significantly. The bad news is that Calvin Johnson was hurt last week, himself. That’s a significant blow to a team that uses match-up chaos all over the field. Still, Kitna will have every chance to throw for 250 yards and a touchdown or two.

7. Brett Favre @ Vikings – So you’re facing the Vikings, the toughest defense in the league to run on. You have no running game anyway and you have Favre at quarterback. What should happen in this game is obvious, and it rhymes with “massing shifty limes.”

8. Ben Roethlisberger @ Cardinals – Where Palmer is having a great fantasy season because of his defense’s inability to stop anyone, Roethlisberger is having an average fantasy season because his defense is putting the kibosh on everyone. And, if that weren’t enough, the Steelers’ special teams also chipped in with a score last week. As long as the Steelers’ offense only needs to put up 15 points or so, Roethlisberger will just be on the cusp of starting fantasy quarterbacks.

9. Jay Cutler vs. Colts – The Colts’ defense has been fairly good against the pass, as quarterbacks have a measly 78.6 rating against them. Still, those quarterbacks have been put in position to rack up a significant number of passing yards, and Cutler may get lucky with a couple scores himself.

10. Marc Bulger @ Cowboys – What in the world was that? Steven Jackson carried the ball 30 times, and Bulger threw only 26 attempts. Did I mention that the Rams lost by 21 points? These are the games where every Rams’ fan wishes Mike Martz were still around. Anyway, Bulger should have a better game against the Cowboys, but it is getting harder to trust him.

11. Trent Green vs. Raiders – All things considered, Green has been decent this season. Obviously, he’s more valuable in yardage-heavy leagues, but that’s always been the case. Still, he should be good for 250 yards and maybe a touchdown against the Raiders.

12. Eli Manning vs. Eagles – Manning has had a checkered (chequered?) history against the Eagles. In each of their last five meetings, Manning has thrown at least two touchdowns or two interceptions. This doesn’t seem like the time that the former will happen, so I’d err on the side of caution and leave Eli on the bench.

13. Matt Schaub @ Falcons – Without Andre Johnson in the lineup, Schaub had a bit of a letdown. And that’s how simple it is to deal with the Texans’ quarterback at the moment. If Johnson plays, Schaub should be bumped up a few slots. If he doesn’t, then Schaub is nothing more than a backup.

14. Kurt Warner vs. Steelers – If Warner were starting, he’d easily be a top 10 quarterback in this game. Even though he isn’t, I still think he’s a better option than Matt Leinart. Unfortunately, it’s nearly impossible to start the guy.

15. Matt Leinart vs. Steelers – Well, what can you do? Leinart has struggled, and I’m inclined to believe it’s because of his inability to get the football into Anquan Boldin’s hands. I don’t know if that’s why he was benched, but Warner certainly made it a point to seek out Boldin. This will be a very interesting situation to follow this season.

]]> http://www.rotorob.com/2007/09/27/week-four-quarterback-rankings/feed/ 0 http://www.rotorob.com/2007/09/20/mr-september/ http://www.rotorob.com/2007/09/20/mr-september/#comments Thu, 20 Sep 2007 16:13:09 +0000 RotoRob http://www.rotorob.com/misc/mr-september/
Mariano Rivera was shaky, but held on to mop up Andy Pettitte’s 200th career win, and reach 30 saves for the fifth straight year.

Andy Pettitte continued his great second half and career September mastery with a solid outing Wednesday, earning his 200th victory along way, as the Yankees have pulled within a game and a half of the reeling BoSox. In today’s Daily Dose, we check in on a suddenly frantic race in the AL East.

Mark Mulder is headed back under the knife; Albert Pujols and Ken Griffey Jr. could both be done for the season; Kevin Youkilis is making progress; the NL batting race is as exciting as it gets; Melvin Mora is hitting well, but his power has gone AWOL; Kaz Matsui is about to return; and Clay Buchholz authored his own demise.

While we can’t offer up anything as disturbing as the video of Andrew Meyer being violated at the John Kerry event, but we have plenty of fantasy baseball blurbs for you in today’s Dose.

]]> http://www.rotorob.com/2007/09/20/mr-september/feed/ 0 http://www.rotorob.com/2007/09/10/note-to-readers/ http://www.rotorob.com/2007/09/10/note-to-readers/#comments Mon, 10 Sep 2007 20:44:08 +0000 RotoRob http://www.rotorob.com/misc/note-to-readers/ Hello, faithful RotoRob readers. We are going to be undergoing some site maintenance tomorrow from between approximately 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. as we switch to faster servers. Yay! Faster servers!

If you experience any problems getting on the site between those hours, it’s temporary, and shouldn’t last more than 20 minutes.

]]> http://www.rotorob.com/2007/09/10/note-to-readers/feed/ 2 http://www.rotorob.com/2007/07/26/daily-dose-under-the-radar/ http://www.rotorob.com/2007/07/26/daily-dose-under-the-radar/#comments Thu, 26 Jul 2007 17:29:11 +0000 RotoRob http://www.rotorob.com/misc/daily-dose-under-the-radar/
When does joining the 300-win club take a back seat? When it’s happening concurrently to the breaking of the home run record.

How can stars like Alex Rodriguez and Tom Glavine fly under the radar? It’s easy when everyone in the baseball world is too busy staring at Barry Bonds to notice that these two vets are approaching major career milestones. Last night, Rodriguez crushed his 499th career homer while Glavine earned his 299th win. History awaits this pair as we explore in today’s Daily Dose.

Shocker of shockers, Bobby Crosby is hurt again; and the Mark Teixeira trade talks are heating up with the deadline quickly approaching.

Okay. So we can’t promise you any pictures of that hottie Noelia, but we’ve got all the fantasy baseball blurbs you can handle in the Daily Dose.

]]> http://www.rotorob.com/2007/07/26/daily-dose-under-the-radar/feed/ 1 http://www.rotorob.com/2007/06/14/fantasy-notes-bush-wacked/ http://www.rotorob.com/2007/06/14/fantasy-notes-bush-wacked/#comments Thu, 14 Jun 2007 05:54:30 +0000 Tim McLeod http://www.rotorob.com/misc/fantasy-notes-bush-wacked/ How much more patience is Milwaukee going to have is the question of the day. David Bush is still floundering and Wednesday, Chris Capuano was a late scratch with a groin problem. Is it just about Yovani Gallardo time?

Tuesday night, those lucky fans in Memphis got to see an Anthony Reyes/Gallardo matchup and it lived up to its billing. Gallardo pitched six innings of four-hit ball with one walk, two earned runs and 12 Ks in a losing effort. Reyes was just a bit better on this night, going eight strong innings for the win. For the season, Gallardo is now up to 110 Ks in 77 innings. If he’s still out there in your league, it might be time to reserve a bench spot for Yovani.

The phrase, “‘Tis a marathon, not a sprint” is certainly a favourite for all you Chone Figgins owners out there. Coming back after that nasty finger injury at the end of spring training, he struggled badly during May, but has been on fire the past couple weeks and looks like he could be on his way to reclaiming the lead-off spot from Reggie Willits. Since June 1, Figgins is batting .469 with 13 runs scored, eight thefts, and he’s even chipped in with eight RBI. For those that exercised some patience the rewards lately have been huge.

]]> http://www.rotorob.com/2007/06/14/fantasy-notes-bush-wacked/feed/ 0 http://www.rotorob.com/2007/04/21/fantasy-notes-putrid-ponson/ http://www.rotorob.com/2007/04/21/fantasy-notes-putrid-ponson/#comments Sat, 21 Apr 2007 19:28:36 +0000 RotoRob http://www.rotorob.com/misc/fantasy-notes-putrid-ponson/ Great minds must think alike. After witnessing Sidney Ponson’s effort Friday night, I wrote the following recap on Rotoworld.com:

Sidney Ponson was battered by the Royals on Friday, suffering the loss when he gave up 10 hits and six runs in 4 1/3 innings.

Now that’s the Sidney Ponson we all know and hate. After winning his first game of the year against Tampa Bay last time out, the rotund one was shelled by a team that has struggled to hit its way out of a paper bag. Ponson’s ERA is 9.39 and you’ve got to figure another one of these gems will have the Twins seeking other rotation options.

Around the time I was hacking out that note, RotoRob.com writer Tim McLeod sent me an e-mail drawing my attention to Sir Sid’s horrible effort and talking about how well Kevin Slowey was looking for Triple-A Rochester. On Thursday, Slowey recorded his second straight shutout performance, fanning nine in 5 2/3 innings. He’s now 2-0, 0.00 and in 11 2/3 innings, he’s given up six hits, struck out 11 and walked none. Of course, if (or rather when) Minnesota decides to make the switch and ditch Ponson, Glen Perkins could be the first option. He’s already up with the big team, and looked stellar in his only Triple-A start (although he has failed to impress for the Twins yet). And let’s not forget Scott Baker, who has been superb for Rochester so far, or Matt Garza, who many thought deserved a job directly out of spring training. Garza has had some issues with his command, so I’d prefer to see him work that out before returning to the majors.

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